Whenever we met Elaine (alias), she smiled always. Whatever we told or asked her, she responded spontaneously with “yes”, “it doesn’t matter”, “whatever”, etc. She has encountered many difficulties in these years and we understood her days were not easy. We appreciated her positive attitude when we found she was temperless and willing to help others, with her smiley face on.
However, we found Elaine was not really a “yes-man” indeed. When she said “it doesn’t matter” but did not mean it; her facial expression could not help disclosing her ‘disagreement’ deep inside her heart. This discrepancy made her smile not authentic at all.
The coach discussed this ‘tip of iceberg’ with Elaine and investigated her iceberg underwater together. The impact from those barriers which she met in her life, made her not dare to express herself. She thought she could avoid any conflict from peoples around her after she said “yes” and just accepted others’ request, no matter she liked it or not. But, this would only suppress her feeling and ignore her real thought inside. This would not help her in solving problem at all, it even made it worse repeatedly.
When she knew the reason behind, she got the clue and understood there could be other way out. The coach encouraged Elaine to start how to speak out her thought and express more about her own feeling and needs. In order to learn how to love and protect herself, Elaine had to learn not to say “it doesn’t matter” everytime.
Due to drug abuse and negligence, Connie’s (alias) family failed to take good care of her. She had to move into a small group home at the age of 4, where regular caretakers (including a couple) worked on shifts to provide her a stable childhood. Soon after adolescence, girls of similar age left one by one, leaving behind the younger children who were incompatible with her. Even worse, this situation triggered her hidden sense of loneliness and helplessness. She threw temper tantrum at those who cared about her.
For Connie’s emotional issues, her SWD caseworker assisted with referral to a clinical psychologist (CP) and helped her move to a new environment. At the age of 16, she moved into a girl’s hostel for high school students. There she met new friends and had a little more freedom but the rules still need to be followed. For example, she used to sleep with the lights on. Now she could only use a little night light instead.
Good Character and Academic Performances still not enough?
Without support of the original family, Connie’s relatives and friends urged her to succeed in her studies so she could transit to independent living smoothly. Throughout the years, she set high standards for herself. Living up to all expectations, she is excellent in both her character and academic performances. She is good in literature and sports, and has a solid foundation in art. She is sportive and a member of the school running team. She knows Judo, table tennis, swimming, canoeing and other outdoor sports. She is tanned, and should be displaying limitless youthful vitality… However, in front of us is a petite and a bit hunched young figure. She lacks the brightness and positive energy that is anticipated at this age. It turned out that when everything seemed fine, her sense of inadequacy and inferiority lingered. This time, she was concerned about her appearance and considered her body shape sub-standard. Indeed, she is not fat at all but she used extreme methods to help herself “lose weight”.
Right Care Right Time for Priceless Health
After the summer holiday, SWD CP diagnosed Connie with anorexia (a form of eating disorder). The Hostel in Charge referred her to Project 3R* which is supported by The Hongkong Bank Foundation through The Community Chest of Hong Kong and provides medical and counseling services for assessment and follow-up. Shortly after, 3R family doctor referred her to 3R psychiatrist and nutritionist for evaluation. 3R specialist doctor gave her medication and conducted blood test immediately. She was grateful for the timely help which made her feel more relaxed. Various professionals also gave her valuable advices. While her condition was stabilizing, out of everyone’s expectation, she continued to participate in the running competition and fainted during the 800-meter run on the School Sports Day. Ambulance was called for immediate treatment. In the hospital, SWD caseworker asked for referral to public medical services so as to ease everyone’s concern. However, Connie did not seem to learn from the experience and continued to participate in the dragon boat training afterward. As a result, she fainted again and was sent to the hospital for recovery.
Lay Solid Foundation for the Future
Connie considers herself as a bit stubborn and likes keeping her own opinions. On one hand, she is self-demanding and always pursues excellence. On the other hand, she has low self-image and always thinks she is not good enough. She also has sleep problems. Perhaps the little night light beside her bed could give her a bit of warmth, comfort and companionship. Pray that Connie will recover with the help of various social welfare services. So she could lay a good foundation of health, persevere for the things she loves with unparalleled sportsmanship, no longer live under the eyes of others, cherish priceless physical and mental health, and welcome a bright future.
Came froma broken family, Chloe (alias) was arranged to stay in children’s home due to domestic violence. In her childhood, she was often resentful but did not know how to express. At one time, she was so depressed she lingered on the street and became a “street kid”. She was then referred to Evangel Children’s Home and her second life began for a brighter future.
Scars of Childhood Trauma
Chloe’s father passed away when she was in P.4 or P.5, thus becoming a single-parent family. Her family was quite patriarchal and the mental state of a family member was unstable, making it difficult to live together. Then she rather lingered on the street and became a “street kid”. She was alienated from her original family but was closer to her maternal half-siblings. In one family dispute, domestic violence sparked off. Fortunately, her teacher and school social worker intervened and she was urgently arranged to live in a small group home. Yet the unpleasant experience there led her lose faith in others. After that, she was referred to Evangel Children’s Home (ECH) and a new chapter began.
A New Home Full of Love
Chloe moved into ECH at her age of 15. She was grateful to a few house parents who cared about her, whom she could pour out her heart, who gave clear guidelines to rewards and punishments and were trustworthy. Passionate in art, Chloe learnt Zentangle art and playing drums in ECH. She loves singing and painting which helped her express her emotions. In the house gathering and regular prayer sessions, she gained deeper and mutual understanding of the other girls and encouraged each other. She was deeply impressed in a corporate volunteer activity when she handmade soap for a charity sale. From making, packaging, transporting to the sale, she devoted herself to the whole process. She took courage to sell them to the people around. They visited the corporate work environment after the sale. It was a good experience to her.
Knowing Herself and Plan for the Future
Chloe described herself as sentimental and only reports good news to others. In fact, her wounded heart is still aching and the unfair treatment of the original family still exists. Despite all these, she still hopes to do something for her family, be a “peacemaker” to mediate family disputes. To prepare for the future, ECH lined up a summer intern job for her at J-Hub – a hub for HK Jewelry Industry. Both the masters and staff were willing to teach her. Later, she enrolled in Tertiary Education of Art and Jewelry Design. She also worked as a part-time in ECH at the same time. Although the workload was quite heavy and the demand was high, it was very challenging. These include preparing and participating in various celebrations for the 65th anniversary of ECH. She took part in performing the 65th anniversary theme song and making of the MV with singer – Ms. Jade Kwan and the other residents, which became unforgettable memories here. The theme song lyrics represent her heart and soul. “I believe there will definitely be one day that I can fly up high to the wide blue sky”.
Fly High with Hope
After leaving residential home at the age of 18, Chloe transitioned into ECH Youth Home and received pre-employment training and plan for her future life. She plans to rent out with her friends after she has enough savings. For future careers, she hopes it will relate to arts and will educate the younger generations. She is willing to be a volunteer, contribute to ECH and side-by-side accompany the new generations here.
The all-rounded care of our residential home helped heal the broken heart of Chloe, allowing her to take root in this stable “Home”, transformed a street kid into a multi-talented young lady, equipped her to move forward bravely and fly with her dreams.
Lacking family care since childhood, residential youth Mia (alias) pushed through adversity with her strong will. In face of a broken family and the alienation from family members, she no longer depends on her own. With intervention of social workers who helped her transit to self-reliance, she worked extra hard for the future.
Child Neglect cut off Communication
Born in the Mainland, Mia learnt self-care on food, clothing, going to school and homework when she was young, because her single-parent mother was very busy: sometimes for work and sometimes for fun. It turned out that her Mom and Dad were never married. Instead of single parent, they were actually unmarried.
One day, Mia’s mother suddenly brought her to Hong Kong when she was still in primary school. After some struggle, they finally settled down and started a new life. However, some bad habits of Mia’s mother affected their daily lives resulting in negligence to her. The two cannot communicate well since then. Her mother was sometimes emotionally unstable and sanctioned her economically. She tried different ways to prevent her from attending school, thus arousing the attention of the teachers.
Breaking the Deadlock Proactively
The relationship with her family was broken down. Mia began to think about escaping from this predicament. She wanted to find her own direction and get rid of the invisible shackles. During high school, she began to seek assistance from the school social worker. After assessment, she was arranged to live in a youth home where she could focus on further studies and a transition to an independent life. In order to realize her dreams, she worked very hard and made progress. She was successfully admitted to nursing school of a university.
Mia needs a part-time job to be self-sufficient and to commit academic internship at the same time, so she has to manage her time well. It happened that Mia was born with toe deformities. She had undergone multiple surgeries when she was young, leading to amputation of some toes which made her weak in balancing. To make it worse, she had to stand for a long time during internship which caused foot pain and affected her work and performance.
Comprehensive Support Services
Fortunately, ECH youth home provides comprehensive support services. With the help from various parties, Mia no longer fights alone. 3R plan* supported by The Hongkong Bank Foundation through a donation to The Community Chest of Hong Kong provides medical and counseling services. After referral by Youth Home supervisor and evaluated by 3R family doctor, Mia was referred to 3R physiotherapy for follow-up. Her foot pain was relieved. She continues to work part-time and practice in hospital so she could prepare for rental and the future. At the same time, ECH also provides resources through sponsors to support residents who are college/university students, to subsidize their living expenses and scholarships, so as to alleviate the urgent need under the Covid pandemic.
When Mia is asked if she will talk to her mother, she firmly declines. Facing the estranged relationship and the harm caused by the original family, her reaction is understandable. We hope that as the years go by, Mia can find the most suitable lifestyle for herself and start an enriching second life.
*3R plan – Right Care, Right Time & Right Team Project
Youngsters do not know what sadness is? Youth staying in children’s home have to think about housing, livelihood, independent living and other issues before the age of 18, and their growth is accelerated all at once.
Kenny (alias) used to be taken care of by his grandma and lived a carefree live. He was arranged to stay in the children’s home about the time of junior high, when grandma was too old to look after him due to her old age. In this new Home, he had to learn to do housework and self-care. He accepted it silently with a sense of responsibility.
Boyhood Days
Kenny was looked after by his grandma since he was a child, and he had no impression of his parents at all. Life in this new Home was an eye-opener. Among the many activities, he liked hiking, especially the night walks, camping and sunrise watching activities at the end of year. Although it was tough, each time he successfully saw the sunrise, he felt a sense of achievement. In addition, he was impressed at the first time he participated in the “Man vs. Wild” – a field activity that tested physical fitness and courage. Kenny remembered that in one of the challenges they had to work in pairs and walk between two cliffs with one belt. He learnt that it takes courage to initiate the first step and come out of his comfort zone in order to succeed, and it is very important and a great help to have someone around and support each other.
Home is where the heart belongs
Kenny has an easy-going personality and everyone around him is willing to help. After he aged out of the children’s home to pursue further education, he still came back to work as a part-time tutor. This time, he takes care of young children like an elder brother. He realizes that the younger generation is different from his past and they have various needs. Nevertheless, he feels each generation has its own way of happiness.
Independent Living
Before any youth leaves the children’s home, social worker will assist with decisions on transitional arrangements such as housing, further education and work. Kenny is rather introverted, passive and goes with the flow. Under careful coordination of the social worker, he finally made up his mind to be a full-time student specializing in pharmacy. Firstly, it is his interest. Secondly, he was encouraged by the social worker. He wants to join the medical and nursing profession, and contribute to society in the future. With this goal in mind, he actively puts it into action. He allocates his time appropriately on studying and doing part-time job. After leaving this Home, he successfully moved into public housing, and gets support from a close relative.
The Strongest Backing
Always peaceful and quiet, Kenny is most reluctant to bid farewell to the comfortable life in high school, the boyhood days he spent with a group of housemates and the hot dishes from the dorm kitchen. Compared to living alone now, it seems a bit deserted. During leisure time, he loves reading and will go back to help at the children’s home. Evangel Children’s Home is like a big warm family. “Family members” look after, support and encourage each other, thus it becomes his strongest backing.
Besides providing a place to stay for the “transitional” youth, the staff and supervisor here also lend their ears to them. They listen to voices of the youth carefully and let them express their feelings.
An honest reveal of youth Zeta (alias):
Short-lived Happiness
It was unfortunate to move into a children’s home when having a family that was absent, not even for the basic support. I admit that I was less motivated to pursue my dreams as compared to others. There was no trusted person around me to instill correct values. Receiving care from Youth Home staff and supervisor was already very happy. However, this happiness is short-lived as they are not my family members.
After 18, I was transitioning to independence. To be honest, I was surviving to live. I did not expect to have my own space and dream. Youth Home was my first temporary residence, followed by theYouth Community Co-living Service I received from the 2nd Chance in Life – Transitional Youth Sponsorship Program. It was a great help that gave me peace of mind to finish my university course.
I felt grateful to be admitted to a university. However, I also worked as part time during my school days. Coping with study and exams, there seemed to be no spare time and no classmates. Comparing to other classmates, they could have extracurricular activities, leisure time, exchanges, study tours, etc. Nevertheless, I was fortunate enough to have a 7-day study tour in Mainland China, which was a dream come true.
A Fresh Start
Now that I step into society, I accept the limitations of my monotonous past which repeated itself every day. When I wanted to talk to someone, I would chit chat with my roommates. When I wanted to be alone, no one would disturb me. To me, the days of living in the Youth Home was not a negative thing or a misfortune. Indeed, it was the greatest fortune. I learnt to kick-start and be independent earlier than others, and I am not a complainant of my origin.
I hope there will be no more panic in the future and I will face uncertainty with courage. Now having a full-time job, I will find my scattered roommates and meet up on weekends to have a bowl of Vietnamese noddle in soup with chili. This is my trust, my friendship and the blue sky and white clouds above me.
A footnote post editing: thanks to Zeta’s sincere sharing. We understand that it was not easy for him along the way. Reading between the lines, we can feel the bitterness and helplessness within him. Grateful that he can still find a bit of sweetness in life. Seeing young people learning to be self-reliant bit by bit, I cannot help but be moved to say, “Keep it up and don’t give up!”
Olivia (alias) used to live with her grandmother in an old village while her parents live in another place in Mainland China. Born in HK, Olivia was arranged by her parents to stay with her paternal aunt’s family in HK. Her parents insisted that she should stay in HK while her aunt only promised short-term care. Conflicts arose between her uncle and her aunt who suffered depression, thus hostel service was requested.
Referral to “3R” services
The 15-year-old Olivia started to displayed emotional and behavioral issues which affected her school life and appetite. During the Covid-19 pandemic, the girl was afraid to face her English teacher in Zoom class and cried even while doing newspaper clipping. Owing to the pressure from homework and quarrels among her roommates, she became more annoyed. Hostel social worker then referred the girl to the “Right Care, Right Time & Right Team (3R) Project”. After assessment by family doctor, Olivia was referred to clinical psychologist (CP). Upon the 5th session, she was diagnosed insomnia and anxiety. CP also referred her to psychiatrist for medication.
Hostel
Knowing the girl needs more space and needs to prepare for upcoming public exams, hostel social worker helped arrange another independent room with more mature roommates. Together with extra care and concern, she could focus on her studying.
Counseling
3R CP took initiative to understand and assist in resolving some of her psychological and practical problems. CP taught her to handle emotional swings and pressure from family and school. CP also advised her to write down the happy and memorable things which remind her that someone loves her.
Psychiatric treatment
Medication helped Olivia sleep better and avoid overthinking. 3R psychiatrist was very attentive. He adjusted the dosage and treatment plan according to her latest condition. The outcome was remarkable. Her emotional swings reduced. With a calm mind, she can think more positively. Psychiatrist also prescribed appetite stimulants that helped her regain some weight.
Olivia felt lucky that she can receive multi-professional services from 3R project.
She believes many children and youth in the society also need such services. Hope that 3R project can gain more support from people in the society.
“Right Care, Right Time & Right Team (3R) Project”
Zimei, the ex-resident of Children’s Home Care, had been a “street kid”. She rode her bike daily, without a life direction and would go home only when exhausted. She was grateful for staying at Evangel Children’s Home (ECH) where she learned about rules, procedures, responsibility, and life planning.
Zimei’s parents passed away one after another, worse still, she faced the aging out from children home at the age of 18 that she had to live on her own. She did not dwell on self-pity. Though she has to earn a living and support herself for studies, she will work hard to live up to those who love her as there are still many kind-hearted supporters around. With an optimistic personality, she boosts positive energy to set off for a new life.
Growth in Adversity
Due to the poor self-care ability of her parents, the new born Zimei was unable to be taken care off. She was arranged to live in a foster home till the age of 10. According to Zimei’s description, she was under strict supervision from the foster auntie at the foster family. She had been punished to kneel and be beaten as long as it did not suit her or for no reason. But whenever there was Social Welfare Department staff’s home visit, foster auntie became gentle, would manage household work, prepare greeting snacks. After the staff was left, she turned back to her original style. Zimei‘s parents had limitations on abilities, and found it hard to voice out for her. In the absence of love and care, hardly could she know what family was all about.
New Discovery
One year after leaving the foster family, she moved into ECH. At ECH, children generally resist being regulated; however, Zimei was willing to accept, so that she could feel loved.
Her living experience and potentials was a discovery after she moved in. Zimei was surprised to know that shower gel could be “foamed” and “scented”; she never tried these products because her parents did not know how to take care of her. With funding solicited from ECH, she had the opportunity to learn piano to actualize her music talent, and she took less than half a year to pass the fifth-level piano exam. Tutor also helped explore her artistic potential, and guided her on visual arts studies and career planning.
Accompanying Transition
Parents’ passing away one after another at upper secondary school had been a double blow to her. What was more, she had to take DSE exam. She was helpless. Thankfully, with the support from all folks at ECH, she could finally overcome. Zimei would like to thank specially “Chung”, the house parent, who always resonated with her that she could always feel at ease; “Loretta”, the counselor, who guided her like a mother, planned the way out and regulated the emotions with her. Bearing the childhood trauma, it is grateful that there are people around to care for, rely on, and to accompany at the transitional stage. She could then muster up the courage to face the rugged path of life ahead.
Transforming Life
Zimei always stays calm, overcomes difficulties with courage, and gains strength in the process of transformation.
His starting of a new life shared by Co Co To, Youth Community Co-Living Service Project-in-charge
Life back home
Since 2008 when Ben studied in secondary school, he has started living in Evangel Children’s Home (ECH) with referral by a social worker because Ben’s father suffered from illness and was emotionally unstable. He planned to go home and lived with his parents after he was 18 years old and had finished DSE, however, his plan did not work and he was forced to become “homeless” eventually.
Ben faced a big challenge after he got back home. His father’s condition was getting worse, e.g. he kept tidying from midnight until early morning, or often yelling at Ben at home. Ben’s mother was threatened by his father and was forced to leave home as well. Ben wanted to have normal living with peace, so he applied for the Youth Home services offered by ECH. “Although I have not been to hell, the life at home seemed like to be same as in hell.” Ben said
“NEET” youth get lost
Ben’s HKDSE results were unsatisfactory – he only got a pass in Computer Science. Ben, as a fledgling adolescent, he could only look for a job with lower qualification request. He had to accept the reality helplessly that he could not go upstream. He was reluctant to go home and hanged around the streets at night. Ben described himself as “NEET” (Youth not in employment, education or training). He was lost without hope in his life, without love in his growth, without direction or way out. Ben realized he had to further study if he wanted to alter the situation. It is fortunate to have social workers and mentors standing by Ben’s side, not only encouraged him, but also taught him the techniques of writing resume and job interviews. All could help him to step up with confidence.
Youth home service brings hope
After living in Youth Home for 2 years, Ben started adapting his career life. He tried to move back to home, but Ben’s father was still not stable at all. Later, Ben applied “Youth Community Co-Living Service” in 2019. Co-living apartments are provided by caring owner with low rents, allowing him to have a safe and stable space to rest and study. He can start planning for the future. He recalled that when he first moved into the Youth Home, he felt that he was abandoned by his family. Ben was so affected by his family background and his father’s situation. He realized that he had to improve his academic qualifications and have a stable income to improve his life.
Ben used Zoom Meeting to prepare for job interviews
Career Planning Workshop helped explore career interests and enthusiasm
Ben learned how to get along with others in the youth home life. He got the care and love from social workers and mentors. He was assisted in finding directions in his career and was encouraged to find his own interests from different attempts. Finally he had successfully got a computer-related job in a secondary school. Having stable working hours, Ben could arrange further studies as well as join the gathering and worship at church. He could start his self-help living. Ben’s confidence was strengthened when he got the affirmation from his boss at work. He was no longer a “NEET” now. He hoped that he could have further study in university and broaden his knowledge in financial management and to get prepared to settle down and start a new family.
Postscript
Past experience helped Ben develop self-reflection about life. He found out he was not only in a position being helped, but also he had the ability to help others instead. Ben would take the initiative to cook for his flat-mates, ask them to run together, and help other youth with difficulties. He was grateful when looking back, he knew he was loved and got the help from different people – with their love and help; he could overcome difficulties from being lost to learning how to plan his life. At this moment, Ben’s biggest wish is to study in university and take good care of his mother.
New Year gathering with his flat-mates and social worker (Ben, first at the right hand side)
Ben is about to leave the “Youth Community Co-living Service” and he is moving towards his goal progressively. He is so grateful that he could have the opportunity in living in ECH over the years, where he could learn about self-care, career planning, financial management and his horizons is broadened. He believes that all is God’s grace and he will keep working hard to equip himself to face new upcoming challenge.
Ho Man grows up from a dysfunctional family. Because of knowing God, his life is changed. Because he is loved, he learns to care for others. Adversity tempers and equips him to the career path of outreaching social work.
Re-adaptation
Ho Man’s father is an addict; his mother is also unable to take care of him because of illness. He was arranged to live in different children homes and foster families. Since year 3 in primary school, he moved to live in Evangel Children’s Home (ECH). He had been getting along with people from different backgrounds since he was a child. Ho Man understood that everyone would protect oneself in different ways. At the early stage, he was not good at interpersonal skills but gradually he understood others’ needs.
Ho Man said that he was very uncomfortable with the move at the early stage. At that time, the children in primary and secondary school levels in a large age gap had to live together. When he was just a little child, he found it difficult to get along with others, and his emotional behavior had been poor. He especially thanked “Sheung”, the house parent, for her patience and tolerance. She patiently taught him how to get along in a group. He began to care about the feelings of others, learn to understand emotional management, and with the help from his religion that he found love, he had the peace of mind spiritually.
Transition to live independently
Due to the lack of family support, Ho Man had to plan for his own living when he was at his young stage preparing for DSE in 2020. He was really helpless. Thanks to the assistance from social workers, he applied for accommodation in youth home. With transitional stay arrangement, he was relieved that he could advance his studies.
At youth home, he is required to manage his own finances: such as tuition and living expenses; every day after school, he has to buy food, cook, take homework and housework, and is exhausted. But Ho Man does not complain about his background. Grateful for the youth home’s offering of different workshops such as interview skills, grooming, social interaction training and personality test or else, he can understand better himself, learn about the requirements and career direction in the workplace. The life coaches give him personal guidance based on “Life Path” to explore for life. These help add value for his transition to live independently.
Setting a Goal
As a slow-type person, Ho Man pinpointed that he is not good at interacting with people. But because of knowing God, his life is changed. Getting out of the shadow of a negative past, and believing that God will open up the way for him, he has a different level of self-confidence. He also keeps on being grateful. He has been cared for and encouraged by social workers and house parents since he was a child. With them as role models, he has set a goal to be an outreach social worker that he could take advantage of his own experience to help others.
